The Cross Registrant who can’t find CAL 510
“Hurry up or you’ll be late" I whisper to myself, passing by the labyrinth of "streets" and trees along UP Diliman’s enormous campus. I forgot how to get from Katipunan, to this CAL building where I have this class called ENG10. I always forget. I always get lost. And because I always leave our apartment 3 hours before my first class, I always am early, and I find that to be a disadvantage.
It’s been nearly a month since I had to leave Tacloban. Nearly a month since Yolanda, the super typhoon, ravaged, destroyed everything that I once called home for 2 years. And studying in my once dream school, I now find myself, missing and longing for the smaller, and simpler campus of UPV Tacloban College.
I walked passed the buildings I’ve only known for a week. I’ve seen students, professors and other people walk by with their friends and colleagues, and I find myself, lonelier, sadder and more and more lost.
I’ve thinking about my friends, and how badly I treated them, I’ve been thinking about the boarding house and the things I left there, I’ve been thinking about the hospital, where I nearly died because of the storm surges. I’ve been thinking. Thinking.
There’s a lot to tell, but hardly anyone who cares is there or here to listen. The people of UP Diliman are very welcoming and kind, and with every kind act they give I find myself pulling away even more. Why? Because I don’t think I deserve to be there. All my friends are back home, just lounging around their houses, some of them are dead, yes DEAD, some I have no idea where. And yet, I preoccupy myself with complaints about being in Diliman. There’s this uneasy feeling, that feeling of complete and utter loneliness. I have no one to talk to there. No one to accompany me in looking for that blasted CAL 510! (or 501?) I find no humor in my mishaps. I just feel very, very sad. And stupid. And I have no one to talk to about it.